the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize