What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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