Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My liver just had a heart attack.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
