he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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