I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
