good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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