If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
