I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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