So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
