Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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