she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I woke up under a house in Key West
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