Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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