Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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