My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
