They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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