They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
