I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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