Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
