mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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