you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
