Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
