We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
