If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
