fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
