In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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