Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
