hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
