I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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