I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
