You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
