my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
