Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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