I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
