and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize