I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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