My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
