There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
this will be a night to untag.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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