it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize