When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
