well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
