ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I think I sprained my soul last night
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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