I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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