Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
