I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
