I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize