Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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