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she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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