also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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