I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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