Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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