how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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