i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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