Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
