U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
