Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
