hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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