I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
