I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
