Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
