i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
