I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
