I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
