people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize