I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
