I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
