she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
