I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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